Rena Butler’s Internal Shift From Performer to Choreographer

Dance has been my entry point into a world of events and ideas. It has a way of keeping you flexible in more ways than one. As artists, we find ways to make poetry out of the ordinary, transforming monochromatic realities into Technicolor utopias. Dance keeps me connected to life, to art, to my imagination.

My career in dance continually emboldens and empowers­ my voice within society, where it would perhaps otherwise be diminished due to my race and gender. It has afforded me the space to stand confidently within my body and to share many stories that unveil hidden aspects of myself.

Yet since transitioning from primarily a dance artist to primarily a choreographic artist, I’ve found my collaborators and mindset shifting from week to week. Going on the road to work on multiple projects a year, living out of a suitcase, isn’t the easiest lifestyle. You are perpetually encountering new artists and spaces. With that comes the dreaded impostor syndrome: Am I experienced enough? How will people receive what I’ve created? Will the dancers connect with what I’m building? Those questions had been holding me hostage.

I recently spent a month and a half creating with Dutch National Ballet and working with the young professionals of Frankfurt University of Music and Performing Arts. While abroad, I made it a point to stay outside: frequenting museums, cinemas, libraries, markets, reconnecting with friends, holding hours of conversations about life with fellow artists. I tried my best to inhale all the culture that suffused the streets, to drink in the inspiration.

At first, it was hard to allow the flow to work its magic. But over time, I found it guided me back to that childlike enthusiasm: 9-year-old Rena, dancing my way down the street to get to ballet class, or pirouetting on my mother’s kitchen floor. I realized that my love affair with dance had once been about flying inside my own body, and now was about creating worlds that allow viewers to fly. It is thrilling to feel that shift in my undying­ love for dance.

I am vibrating from new insight, and feel that something fresh is in store for this next chapter in my life and career. The immense gratitude for this art form that keeps on giving back is indescribable. I am my best self because of this elegant discipline, and I hope that I am able to share that with dancers and nondancers alike.